Ken Retreats To
Bunker of Solitude

Hooksett, New Hampshire - Word comes through a recently fired KSWNO spokesperson today that Ken Socrates, last seen in a paparrazzi photograph taken covertly at a nudist convalescent home outside of Barcelona, has slipped back into the U.S. without fanfare and has locked himself in seclusion to write and ponder the future of his crumbling homeland.

Rumours are swirling that Ken has strenghtened fortifications on his 24 acre compound in Hooksett, New Hamphire to include electrified fences and a walk in freezer for food storage. Sources report seeing the erection of new solar panels, a windmill and what appears to be a convoluted 75 foot tall waterslide leading into one or more of the many inground pools on the premises. Such a sign that he is bunkering down to protect himself for the long haul are in sharp contrast to unfounded internet rumours that he has already made plans to leave America entirely for a permanent residence in the pastoral countryside of Southern France.

Only one thing is certain at this point. Ken is writing. Feverishly. No one is entirely sure what as of yet but a source at Staples confirms a delivery of three boxes of Bic Soft-Grip Meduim Blue Ballpoint Pens and a case of yellow legal pads. A group diligent of Ken Watchers situated in tree stands in the woods outside his property report that a Red Bull delivery truck was spotted unloading at least a half dozen cases of their product to the receiving dock before being fired upon by the gun weilding Valkyries, Ken's heavily armed all-female security militia.

Various pundits and apocalypse enthusiasts contend that he has started drafting his numerically ill-omened thirteenth novel, a sure sign that the end of days is upon us. Others suggest he may be vainly attempting to finally fulfill his contract with Marvel Comics to create and write a line of new superhero comics based on his own little known animated short The Whackenheimer Gang. Orlando Deitz, his publicist, served to merely muddle the waters further when he said during a phoned-in appearance on New England Sport's Night that his client was "not hurting anyone, as far as we can prove".

The following words are the only communication of any form that has come directly from Mr. Socrates, a hand scribbled note on the back of an envelope presented grumpily to a frightened company courier attempting to deliver legal documents to the front gate of the establishment yesterday morning.

What this truly means is anyone's guess.