Date: Wed, 18 Jan 2006 01:27:17

From: ken@kensocrates.com

To: egarris2@antiwar.com

Subject: Unfortunate Dilemma

Dear Mr. Garris;

First off let me say that I genuinely admire your site and agree with much of what you and your associates are saying in what is an extremely literate, heartfelt expression of opposition to one of the most deplorable military actions in this country's illustrious history. Your site is both eloquent and informative and I commend your work. In fact, I truly wish that the reason or this e-mail was a simple conveyance of gratitude and solidarity toward you and your cause.

Sadly, it is not. It is, rather, a warning shot across your bow in what may become, should you respond badly, an extremely unpleasant conflict in it's own right. Understand, that I do not wish it to be thus. I am, however, reaching my breaking point.

The root of the problem is as simple as it is infuriating and, ironically, it is not even something that you have consciously created. Regardless, I still feel the need to direct my outrage at you as it appears that your website is the prime offender in the matter I write you to discuss.

The issue is as follows. Whenever I type my name into Google, the very first result I get, and have been getting for some months, is your website, specifically the "Quotes" section. My name is Ken Socrates, as you may have noticed. Your quotes page contains material from both a gentleman name Ken Gillespie and, of course, Socrates. As a result, and for reasons known only to the ghostly artificial intelligence that is the Google search engine, typing "Ken Socrates" into the search field brings up your site as the primary result for that query.

Click To View Full-Sized Example

This is simply unacceptable. First and foremost, your site does not even have the the words "Ken" and "Socrates" in the same sentence, let alone side by side as they appear on any and all documents that I have authored. In fact, I maintain a web-site of my own the title of which is (can you guess?) Ken Socrates and resides in the domain kensocrates.com. And yet, rather that present any information on myself, Google still maintains that your site is the first place folks should go when searching for information on myself.

Insanity.

I ask you: How could such a miscarriage of justice occur? Can you explain it? I'm sure you can't but I beseech you - can you rectify it? I can only assume that people like yourself, with the shining moral and ethical conscience you show on daily basis on your web site, would not want to underhandedly lure unsuspecting readers to your site who, in fact, seek a different sort of enlightenment altogether. There are ways to promote your cause, sir, but this sort of devilry should not be one of them. In fact, I would be happy to be an active proponent of your site if it weren't for the instinctive jealousy and hurt I feel when I see you listed in a place of prestige that I know in my heart should be reserved for myself and my work.

Click To View Ken's Shame

I ask, then, if you would please help me. Or, to put the issue in different terms, if you would help others - those lost, inquisitive few seeking the answers they believe can be found in my work and are unable to reach a satisfying end to their quest. Understand: It is not vanity that drives me to present this dilemma to you but, rather, simple humanitarian concern for my readership, that they might find the road that they seek, wherever it might lead.

In conclusion, I would apologize if this missive seems in any way offensive. My intention is not to accuse or berate but rather to ask assistance in a matter that is very important to me, a matter in which you have also become an unwitting victim. As such, I implore you to act swiftly and justly to assist in the resolution of this matter.

With Sincerity and Gratitude,

Date: Thu, 16 Feb 2006 01:33:08

From: ken@kensocrates.com

To: egarris2@antiwar.com

Subject: Don't Want To Gloat, But...

Mr. Harris,

It's unfortunate that you have, to this point, declined to answer my attempts to contact you to resolve the issue that, as I have plainly described in previous e-mails, was a source of extreme consternation and embarassment to us both. I understand that you must be a busy person but nearly 30 days have passed since my first attempted contact and you, to this point, remain silent on the subject, avoiding a discussion that, if it would not immediately benefit us both, would at least allow clarification of your position on the issue in question.

That said, I'm happy to say that a resolution to my liking has come to pass, regardless. I have my doubts as to whether you were personally involved in the change that has occurred but I report it to you nonetheless. As you may have already noticed, my web site, kensocrates.com, is now listed as the number one result on Google for the search query "Ken Socrates", which is, of course, my name. No longer is that essential spot held by your noble, yet comparably insignificant, "Quotes" page.

Words cannot describe the overwhelming sense of relief and pleasure I felt when I first saw that this injustice had been rectified. The feeling was almost sexual in nature as I found my mind stimulated and aroused by the knowledge that I now had the ability to reach out to my readership in a way that was fundamentally, morally and ethically proper. You know, sir, as well as I do that that spot was always mine and, however it may have happened, you had no right to usurp it as you did. Napoleon himself was never so ruthless in his conquests as your web-site was in depriving me of my rightful freedom of search engine name recognition.

In any case, I offer you this oportunity, in abject defeat, to offer your apologies and put forth whatever explanation you might concoct to justify your deplorable actions in this matter. Should you choose, once again, not to respond I will assume that it is simple shame and bitterness and, likely, burning envy that robs you of your ability to confront these issues. Suffice to say, the matter has ended, for now, and I stand above you in gallant, shining victory looking downward, not with pity ot contempt, but with the sort of gentle reprimand one might offer to a misguided puppy that has soiled the rug but, having his nose rubbed in the shameful excrement of it's mistake, has been humbled utterly.

As such, do not feel ashamed, Mr. Garris. Rise up, young pup, and frolic once more in the sunshine. You have learned who your master is and are the better for it.

Best Wishes,