Regardless of Ken's feverish devotion to his work and rampaging amphetimine consumption, he simply cannot shoulder the awesome weight of informing his vast, psychotically devoted audience alone. He is, in his own profoundly dis-torted way, only human. Thus, he employs a staff of equally relentless writers and artists to assist him. The following are the core members of the Ken Soc-rates World News Organization, all of whom contribute mightily to this site.
Both big fans of Minty Pineapple Entertainment.
Now somehow associated with the sublime Half A Pica Distance.
Currently master of his own domain, nocandyasses.com.
© Ken Socrates & Friends 2008. All rights reserved.
Meet The Staff
Ken Socrates - The founder, president and spiritual center of the Organization, he's the the head writer, editor in chief and the life-giving Sun around which we all revolve. He signs our paychecks and has a ready stash of hundreds for bail money as needed. Constantly roaming the world in search of The Story, his legend goes ever on.
Dr. Horatio Von Darkfaulker - A man drenched in mystery, steeped in shadows, and peppered ever so lightly with just the finest hint of dark, mind-bending absurdity. Some swear that he is not a man at all, but a willful wraith in the night, a harrowing spirit of vengeance called up from beyond to do battle with the forces of stygian weirdness that threaten us at every turn. Whatever the case, he seems to be on our side, (mostly,) and for that we are very fortunate indeed.
Joe Hawaii & Gaylord "Ra" Fondue - Globe trotting journalistic tag team and the only two-man writing tandem on the payroll, they share a bond that is as indefinably mystical as it is genuinely creepy. Together, they manage a level of insight, skill and penmanship that never fails to astound.
Dwight Cooter - Dwight Cooter was born angry and he ain't never gonna change. A man with a high school equivalent education, Dwight works at the local vocational center where he a shop instructor. In his spare time, he hunts, aggravates the liberal pussies and prays daily to his American flag. He lives in Dirtville, Tennessee, on a 10-acre farm where he spends his free time molesting livestock.
Willie T. "Don't Touch The" Sherman - A man born with the fire of investigative journalism coursing through his veins, a passion only sometimes obscured by the many other substances that can also be found in his bloodstream. A vibrant Southerner with a lust for life and a true appreciation for all hard-working ladies of the night.
Ozzy "The Gut" McGurt - A hulking, angry, journalistic juggernaut aiming his vast reserve of macho man-rage straight at the heart of the oft corrupt, ever scandalous world of professional sports. With a head like a battering ram and a similar approach to his art, he stands ready to attack all the biggest names and issues in his arena.
Gorman Moloko - Ken's oldest friend and the first writer rec-ruited to join the cause when the notion of an independent, fearless, unflinching news service was still a very dangerous idea. Dangerous ideas, however, are Gorman's specialty and he has, since those early days, remained a rock steady example journalistic morality and ethics.
Melma Frankengibson - World renowned Psychic and Post-Mortal Celebrity Agent, she's our resident paranormal advisor and full time supernatural correspondent. Her credentials are impeccable, her aura is irresistable and her goat is world class. It is a true privilege to count someone with her experience and stature as a colleague.
Shalla, The Edgy Intern -
A former journalism student and medical study volunteer at Emerson College, she's on the eight year internship program at the KSWNO and has been a star since the day she started. Since no one is sure exactly when that was, she remains in her position indefinately, bitterly resentful and brimming with angst.
Stig "Marmoset" Goldmund - Recruited away from his job mucking out stalls at Suffolk Downs, he joined the mailroom staff as a part-time shredder but soon schemed his way to a management position thanks to a natural ability with figures and a few timely tips on the ponies. His paycheck is now direct deposited to his bookie.
