The Staff
When it happened did you sweat? Did you forget to breathe? Did the metallic taste of fear become thick in your mouth while everything else puckered up with unbearable tightness? Did you suddenly wail and blubber like a pastel skirted girly man as you stood at the precipice of interacting with the supernatural world, the wild part of reality you have learned not to see?
Thankfully, as it happens with most human beings, before you are dragged quivering and naked before the hostile talons of the universe, your conditioning from a lifetime of prejudice takes over. You get hold of yourself, reinforcing that bubble of normality that you view the world through. And the otherness recedes. It becomes nothing more than the whispering wind, a tree branch scratching at the window. Your universe once again becomes a place of cause and effect.
From the scientific world of quantum mechanics we find that under certain conditions the act of observing has an effect on the phenomena being observed, that we determine the state of the thing by the act of perceiving it, by measuring it. On a more human scale we call this effect the supernatural, the paranormal. We call it magic. And once you perceive it as such it does not go away. You forever become like a lightening rod for the arcane. It is a fate not even I can save you from. But I can warn you.
I am Dr. Horatio Von Darkfaulker and what I do is my own affair. But for the sake of courtesy I will tell you this much: I am a hunter of monsters and a researcher of the unknown. As you learn of my exploits, you should be aware that every word you read is like a tiny fracture in the protective shield of ignorance that stands between you and the otherness that lies in wait. If you are the type to cringe in the darkness waiting for the lights to come back on as the doorknob jiggles, then my words aren’t for you. Stop reading now before it is too late. But if you, like me, are the type to stand up, crack a beer and call out jeers as you defiantly moon the oncoming shadows of the night, then read on.
It is likely too late for you anyway.
Dr. Horatio Von Darkfaulker - The truth is like an ever-pervading flame that brooks no demarcation as it torches the deceptive fringes of what passes for reality to most people. Once one allows oneself to see the truth as it really is, such an event can ultimately rend asunder the gossamer-thin soap bubble of sanity to which we unconsciously cling, leaving our senses naked to the murky otherness that lies hidden from the shallow range of our perception. You have felt it at times I am sure. A slithering underneath your bed at night, or just beyond the door at the end of a darkened hallway, jiggling the doorknob, moving about on the creaky hardwood floor while you know damn good and well you are the only one in the house.
Joe Hawaii & Gaylord "Ra" Fondue -
Joe Hawaii travels the world in search of stories and sand to collect for his exotic beach collection. On one of his adventures in Mobile, Alabama, he met beach bum Gaylord "Ra" Fondue, who claimed to be the incarnation of Ra, the Egyptian Sun God. Joe immediately took him to take a lie detector test to prove his Godhood. There they ran into Ken Socrates who was there trying to claim his innocence in a pyramid scheme. His only defense was "Bigfoot did it." But thanks to Gaylord "Ra" Fondue and his intimate knowledge of pyramids (him being an Egyptian God and all), Ra completely confused the questioner and the case was dropped. Joe and Ra have been inseperable ever since. Ken still claims that Bigfoot did it.
Shalla, The Edgy Intern - Shalla, who prefers not to publicly reveal her last name, was born in the bohemian Mass-achusetts town of Northampton, the child of one of the creators of the independant comic book become mutimedia and merchandise franchise Underage Assasin Cyber-Sloths and his wheelchair bound highschool sweetheart. Raised in an atmosphere where social and artistic freedom was encouraged by both parents and community, she developed a completely unrealistic perception of the brutal, senseless horrors of the cold, sickening reality of everyday life in a heartless, uncaring society ready to stamp out every spark of originality and free thought that you would ever dare to posess at a moments notice, cackling mercilessly all the while.
